And it continues...

“Tears stream down your face, I promise you I will learn from my mistakes...lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones, and I will try to fix you.” ~Coldplay

That song may or may not be relevant to where this goes at all...but it got me thinking today.
I thought my life had slowed down and things would go back to normal, but it turns out I was wrong. There’s always going to be someone who is affected more by a situation than anyone else. This weekend I went home for the first time since my incident (for those of you who are wondering, I might as well throw it out there: I gave myself alcohol poisoning.), and for the first time in a while I realized just what my purpose is. Not my whole purpose of course, but it’s pretty clear that I have a reason to be on this earth other than the obvious. In the back of my mind, I've always told myself that I wanted to impact people but I've never been able to figure out how to go about that. However, this weekend while having a conversation with a friend from church, I realized that I don’t have to be a preacher or a public figure to influence people, I simply have to live. I've always been able to connect with those younger than me whether they be babies, toddlers, children, or teenagers. During this conversation that opened my eyes, my friend reminded me that so many of the young people I've been loving on all these years have come to look up to me and idolize my actions. They look to me for fashion cues, ways of speaking, even approval in their extra-curricular activities. I've always hidden my mistakes from them because I want to be nothing less than perfect for them.

Actually, I've done that with everyone. But how can I have a real influence on anyone being fake? As soon as that thought entered my mind, I realized that I had two choices to make. Be real and hope that others can love me through and learn from the mistakes I've made, or continue giving my people a view of my life through rose-colored glasses. The right decision is pretty clear: accept my mistakes, put them behind me, and live--not a perfect life--but a life that I’m proud to advertise.

I remember in my pre-teen years when I met my very first role model: my 3^rd cousin (I think that’s how we’re related…maybe). She was tall, confident, beautiful, smart, and overall an incredible person; or at least that’s what I thought until I found out from my mom that she had gotten pregnant. Not that I think that having a child out of wedlock is a condemnatory thing, but at the time I had her on such a high pedestal that a slip-up like that crushed me. She had no idea and to this day probably still doesn't  but I know for a fact that my actions affect not only myself and my family, but also my “girls” and my babies.

I want to be their fortress, not the person whose problems they live and learn through.

I want them to want to emulate my life, not avoid it.

        

Just a few of the reasons I wrote this. And a few reminders that my life isn't just about me.

Learning the Hard Way

So ya know how in my last post, I mentioned how hasty decisions lead to unhappiness? Well it turns out that they lead to a whole lot more. Don't get me wrong, spontaneity is a great thing--in moderation.
We all know that when we make mistakes, we have to deal with the consequences. That truth becomes so much more real when your hasty, stupid decisions land your body in the hospital and your name in the mouth of everyone associated with your school. Yep, that was me. I'm not going into detail but just know that if you're told not to do something not only by the law, but also by your authority figures, it's probably best to listen.
Anyway, this week is probably going to end up being the week from hell for me. But it's really taught me a lot so far. I've cried more in the past two days than I have probably in the past year. That's sayin' something. I hardly ever cry in front of other people; not because I'm afraid to, but because showing emotion isn't my strong point. As I'm sure I've mentioned before, I've turned myself into a brick wall for not only myself but those around me. Crying makes me feel weak and that's just not the way I want other people to see me, especially since I try to be a support system and a fortress for the people I love. However, after what I put myself through this weekend, I'm starting to realize that weakness isn't a bad thing. No one wants to seem weak, but there is a fine line between weakness and meekness and I think a lot of people confuse the two, one of those people being myself. I can be meek and still be strong. I can humble myself to handle my consequences the way I need to as opposed to hardening myself and being a bitch about it. And I found that once I started being honest with myself and those around me, I'm a lot less scared to face the consequences of my actions. I found that I have way more support than I expected, and I found that being able to step back and recognize the fact that I messed up is pretty refreshing after a lifetime of being angry whenever I was faced with a problem. Moral of this completely pieced together sort-of-story: it's possible to be strong without having to constantly be a hard ass. There is a time and place for that, but that does not include directly after you almost jeopardize your own life while simultaneously breaking the law. And now that life has bitch-slapped me across the face, I'm ready to face the week from hell because in the long run it's a learning experience that's only going to put me closer to where I need to be.

"...so when life gets tough, and it's hard to be strong, I'll never forget: Heaven is where I belong."

The Truth about Life

Surprise, surprise, I haven’t blogged in a while. But I’ve been doing some writing when I get deep in thought and I came up with something I thought was worth sharing and would serve as my re-introduction to the blogging world.

Just to catch you up on my life, I’m now a full-time freshman business major, vocal performance minor, student-athlete, friend, daughter, and sister. No surprise there, I’m overloading my plate. Again.

Anyways, life’s always been a struggle for me. Obviously, considering I’m still young and everything’s gonna be complicated. But I finally figured myself out halfway through my senior year, cleaned out my life, and started to live the way I needed to live: for me. I figured out who I was, who I am, and who I want to be. No longer a people-pleaser, I began to turn away from everyone and everything that held me back, and entering my first year of college, I planned to keep it that way. You see, I’ve always known that I was not meant to live for other people; but I never knew what that looked like. So here I am, reliving my last few months of high school which I spent holding on to every last ounce of willpower I had to keep myself from shutting down and giving up.

You see, I've learned that hasty decisions tend to lead to unhappiness. That’s how I ended up back on this roller coaster. I've also learned that there’s a difference between loving Jesus and pushing Jesus. I love Jesus, but I’m not going to push him on anyone. I believe that He has a plan for my life and that with every breath I’m living out another piece of that plan. But sharing my story isn’t my way of telling you how God works in my life. That story will tell itself. This story is one of how a shattered but strong human being gets through the day-to-day. It’s one to remind you that we have the power to fix our trouble and put the pieces together. I strongly believe that we never stop growing. Just when we think that everything is falling into place, the hammer’s going to come down again; we just have to be ready to put our big kid pants on and pull out the Gorilla Glue. So here I am, tough-as-nails, but fragile as the wing of a butterfly; an  emotionally rational college freshman, allowing you a direct access pass to the sloppy, beautiful disaster I like to call my life.

Another Apple Cake

This cake turned out much better than the last apple cake I made, and it was far simpler.

What you'll need:

2 cups Sugar

1 & 1/2 cups Oil

2 Eggs

2 teaspoons Vanilla

3 cups Apples, diced

3 cups Flour

1 teaspoon Baking Soda

1 teaspoon Salt

1 teaspoon Cinnamon

What you'll do:

1. Preheat oven to 300 degrees

2. Combine sugar, oil, eggs, and vanilla in a large mixing bowl

3. Combine the flour, baking soda, salt, and cinnamon in a small bowl

4. Add the flour mixture to the large bowl, alternating with the apples

5. Bake in a 9x13" pan for an hour or until a toothpick inserted down the center comes out clean

I'm caught up with my most recent recipes...I won't even bother with the ones from Christmas Break yet.

But more to come soon, I promise!!

NO BAKE COOKIES.

I made some very slight adjustments to the original recipe, but they made a world of difference in my opinion.

What you'll need:

1/2 cup Butter

2 cups Sugar

1/2 cup Milk

4 tablespoons Cocoa Powder

1/2 cup Peanut Butter (creamy or crunchy)

4 cups Oats

2 teaspoons Vanilla

2/3 cup Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chips

What you'll do:

1. Combine the butter, sugar, milk, and cocoa in a saucepan and bring to a rolling boil, boiling for 2-3 minutes

2. Remove from heat and stir in the peanut butter and vanilla until smooth

3. Add oats and chocolate chips, and drop on wax paper by spoonfuls

4. Let cool until firm, then enjoy :)

Baked Parmesan Garlic Chicken

This was a hit with all the friends and family who tried it...

What you'll need:

Grated Parmesan Cheese

Italian Dressing

Garlic Powder

Italian Seasoning

Boneless, Skinless Chicken Breast Halves

What you'll do:

1. Preheat the oven to 400 degrees

2. Spread cheese on a plate and sprinkle with garlic powder and Italian seasoning

3. Coat chicken in Italian dressing and roll in cheese mixture, coating evenly

4. Place chicken in a shallow baking dish and bake for 25-30 minutes, or until cooked through

Roasted Lemon Garlic Herb Shrimp

I made this for dinner a couple weeks ago, and it was probably the best shrimp I've made to date.

What you'll need:

1/3 cup Olive Oil

1 Lemon

Thyme (to taste)

Italian Seasoning (to taste)

Sea Salt & Fresh Black Pepper

1 pound Fresh Shrimp, deveined with tails off

5 cloves Garlic

What you'll do:

1. Preheat the oven to 400 degrees

2. Combine olive oil, juice from 1/2 of the lemon, Italian seasoning, and thyme.

3. Season with salt and pepper, then bake for 10 minutes

4. Remove pan from oven, add shrimp, and cover with garlic and remaining lemon (cut into wedges)

5. Toss pan and bake for 8-10 more minutes or until shrimp is cooked

6. Serve over pasta or rice with lemon wedges for a full effect:)

Normally, I would have pictures, but I haven't been thinking about my blog while cooking lately, so bear with me for now.

Catching up.

Well, as much as I'm loving senior year, the fact of the matter is that it's stressful. Between sports, school, and extracurriculars, I have approximately 30 minutes a week to myself. And those 30 minutes are usually spent in the kitchen. Thankfully, I have a few things to balance my sanity when I start to fall off the edge.

First and foremost would be my broken nose. While most would think that this would add to the stress, it actually makes me laugh from time to time and keeps me sane in those moments. Especially considering that it occurred not during a sporting event, but a New Year's Party.

::my lovely nose guard::

::5 minutes after it happened::

Second, cooking has kept me balanced. When I have time, I'm able to turn on my Adele Pandora radio station and escape for a little while enjoying the freedom of experimenting with food.

Third, puppies :) Yes, I said it, puppies. While my dogs drive me up the wall, when I need something warm and comforting to cuddle with, my dogs are always available. 

::my baby::

On top of those things, I have some of the most amazing friends on planet Earth who somehow know how to make me laugh, cry, and everything in between at just the right times to keep me functional.

Anyways, I have about 4 or 5 recipes to upload, so I'll get on that tonight :)