Yes, I am a grown up

Greetings--from my floor, clad in sports bra & leggings, at 2 pm on a Tuesday afternoon. Blender Bottle in hand, laundry and dishwasher running, Ellie Goulding coming from the phone speaker. It's the middle of the week, I'm not working while these things are happening, and I, the actual Queen of Restlessness, am content. 

Last week a friend of mine asked me in passing what I want to be when I grow up. Immediately my brain sent up a red flag: "Home girl, you are grown up. Why are you being asked this question? Why can't you just pull it together?", but it only took about 30 seconds for that to reset. And directly following my self-criticism came a sense of gratitude.

I'm 21, three months away from 22. I'm a full time nanny, a part time event coordinator, a super randomly part time retail sales associate, I babysit probably more than is healthy for a person with three other jobs, I'm happily dating (also a full time thing), and I am somehow amidst all the above required to be around at home because I have a furbaby. I'm a classic example of someone who probably won't finish her Bachelors' until she's 35, and more than likely won't need it by then. In terms of having my ducks in a row, I'm the bottom of the totem pole; I'm potentially not even on it if we're being honest. Additionally, I have a strange case of panic disorder that only hits at the most obnoxious, inconvenient times. I can watch someone's leg get cut off and very calmly transport them to the hospital and fix it all in a matter of hours. But if my food takes too long at a restaurant? Or I hit traffic on an on-ramp? Or (so help me) my gas light comes on late at night? The leg thing comes back and suddenly it is a catastrophe and I will not survive. Moral of the story: I am a hot mess in every true sense of the term. But I work hard. And I'm driven. And I know what I want. And I know how to take the steps to get there. Does that mean they're all always successful steps? Absolutely not. I fall short often, and hard.

So why gratitude? Why not remain in that moment of self-deprecation? Because by the books, you'll find my story in the failure section. I didn't do it right. I didn't go through the motions properly, and I probably never will. But as I got over my moment of childish defensiveness, I realized something important. Yes, I am a grown up; but on the flip side of that: no, I am not required at this exact moment in my life to have it all together. As children, we hear the "what do you want to be when you grow up?" question countless times. We're expected to have an answer, no matter how generic or robotic. We're expected to repeat that answer and quietly receive the follow-up input that's inevitable from earlier generations. We're expected to listen to financial advice, lifestyle critique...an entire laundry list of things we may not even understand. There's this gap between the oxymoronically encouraged concepts of embracing one's youth and just growing up. Our twenties are supposed to be developmental, so why is it that in our twenties we're expected to be settled where we are?
I'm growing and learning to listen and filter what I'm told. The more I filter, the more I'm reminded that regardless of what anyone in my world expects of me, the only expectations I'm required to meet at this exact moment are my own. I've got huge goals for myself, there is no doubt of that. But guess what? I don't have to be there yet. I can look at a short-term goal right now. So my expectation for today is to be content. To be at peace. To be in this moment, on my yoga mat, in front of my computer, with my protein shake and my easy playlist and my sleeping puppy and to soak up every moment of being in this place. Because I'm 21, three months away from 22, and this too shall pass.

Don't Just Survive

It's time! Today I start Thriving, and I'm going to use this one blog post to document all 4 trial days, so here goes.
I feel like I should take a moment to throw out a little disclaimer: obviously not every one's results are going to be drastic and/or immediate, this is literally just for the sake of sharing my personal experience. I'm engaging more and binging less during the day which is probably the reason for my weight loss, but the reason that is happening is because this Thrive stuff is keeping me from crashing throughout the day and feeling like I need a pick-me-up or losing my motivation to be active. So if you read this, are inspired, and want to attempt the Thrive experience, I'd be happy to link you up, but it's super important to realize that your results will be tailored to your body and its needs. Do with that what you will.

Monday, Day 1.....

Bonus: how cute is this patch?!

I got home late last night, so I woke up to run on my 5ish hours of sleep and then I remembered--I'm doing this wake-me-up stuff! I took my little vitamin capsule first thing out of the gate, threw on my little patch, and topped it all off with half of a vanilla shake as I was getting out the door at 7 [side note: I usually HATE vanilla shakes, but I actually enjoyed this one]. Other things that I usually hate include my drive to work because Charlotte drivers just aren't great and on top of that I am only half awake so. on a scale of 1-10, I have 0 patience. This morning I was about half way through my drive when I realized a few interesting facts: 1) I was singing along to the radio before 9 a.m., 2) I hadn't yelled at anyone or anything on the road, 3) I was alert, 4) I felt NOTHING. The fact that those first 3 were happening simultaneously amazed me enough, but the best part is part four. It's about 12:30 p.m. now and I'm still super awake and super energized, but I feel nothing. No weird caffeine buzz, no energy drink haze, no crash...I'm literally just functioning well. I had so much energy patience while getting my LO ready for preschool and out the door, I ate some Greek yogurt for breakfast (with a cup of coffee that I barely touched), and did some yoga while the baby slept. This might sound like a pretty average morning, but my usual morning routine is to tank coffee while I hustle to get LO out the door, which usually involves lots of exasperated sighs, tank more coffee while I make myself a massive breakfast, and then crash on the couch until my coffee kicks in enough to attempt either some exercise, cleaning, or school work (generally by that time the baby is up again).
It's now 2:30 p.m. and I'm still firing on all cylinders. I'm eating a salad (on purpose) while I wait for my macaroni to finish boiling and then I might probably will eat the whole pot, unless this miracle substance doesn't make me want to do so. This is usually the time of day when I crash and have to really rally to make it through the afternoon, but not today!

Okay, end of the day. I spent about 7 hours with one set of little ones, another 4 hours with a second set, went to the gym and lifted for an hour, and got home at 11:50 p.m. feeling perfectly fine. Sleepy, but not totally drained. I yawned a grand total of one time today, which wasn't until 10:15 p.m.

Tuesday, Day 2.....
I didn't wake up quite as quickly this morning, but I still feel so good and it's 8:30 (not a thing for me). Side note: I'm so intrigued by this stuff that I signed up to be a promoter literally 4 hours in yesterday, so there's that. My order should be arriving by the end of the week, and hopefully Thursday as opposed to Friday so that I don't have to go without. Also I weighed myself this morning, just for fun, and I am down 3.2 pounds in roughly 24 hours!


My order will be here THURSDAY, which is the most perfect timing! I ordered both men's and women's stuff cause I had a lot more guys ask me about my little "Jesus patch" than I expected.
About the day: I worked my regular nanny day from 7:45 a.m. to about 4:45 p.m., I went for a 35 minute jog, I bolted right to a 3ish hour babysitting job, and still squeezed in a lift at 10 p.m., feeling as strong (and awake) as ever.

Wednesday, Day 3.....
Still awake, still happy, and still not feeling any kind of weird buzz or any kind of side effect really. This is the third day that I'm drinking my morning coffee because I actually enjoy a cup of coffee and not because I need it to glue my brain together. I spent the majority of today rolling on the floor with the baby and I felt pretty hyper productive through a lunch date, errands, catching up with my housemates, leg day (always the best), and now this. And homework. I've got that too. I'm a little bit more sleepy tonight but I still have it in me to do the important things like procrastinate homework by writing this blog and watching The Voice. Tomorrow is Day 4 out of 4 and I don't count on tomorrow not working, but tomorrow is my final review!

Thursday, Day 4.....

Directly on the crook of ones dominant arm=
probably not the best place to put an adhesive skin patch

I'm sleepier this morning than I have been the past three, but I still feel like I can tackle the day. Four consecutive nights of not going to bed at a decent hour and having to wake up at 6 a.m. probably has a little somethin' to do with that, and this isn't some kind of miracle formula that's going to make up for me making poor sleeping habit choices. I also placed my patch in a questionable place today which probably doesn't affect its effectiveness, but I'm curious to see how it holds up throughout the day. I haven't lost any additional weight these last 24 hours, but I wasn't expecting to and really wasn't counting on this thing to drop my weight so much as give me the energy & motivation to do so on my own. Baby had a hard morning, but it didn't drain me like it has in the past.
3 p.m. and I come to my keyboard with remorse (a little). When I went to pick up my 2 year old nanny baby from preschool today, she informed me that she wanted donuts and her teacher followed up by telling me it was Hero Day at Krispy Kreme-buy one dozen, get one free. Game,set, match. I now know that Thrive is no match for the Krispy Kreme HOT sign. But I only ate one two the whole day and didn't want any more after that.
I went for a run when I came home from work and that wasn't great, but I was suuuper dehydrated. Tears + not replenishing enough water + direct sun does not make for a happy runner. I also had ice cream that the boyfriend forced upon me at dinner, but I didn't want to finish much more than half of that because for the first time in forever my sweet tooth has not been ruling my body.

All in all, I'm beyond happy with my results. This is not some kind of life-saving remedy for the weight loss/energy problems, but I can say that using it makes me feel more awake, more alert, more energized, and overall healthier. And let's be honest, it should be more important to us to be healthy-if skinny comes along with it, then that's awesome.

If you have any questions at all, please reach out and ask them!

I highly recommend trying this stuff for yourself, and if you want to do so or just know more, get in touch with me and/or visit kristijoy.le-vel.com/

#AllTheThings

Hi, it's me again, the self-proclaimed queen of doing all the things. I watch all the Netflix, eat all the foods, sip all the drinks, work all the jobs. All the things.

Perhaps I'm the only one, but I have recently realized in myself that while change terrifies me, I am obsessed with novelty. I love new seasons, new apparel, new words, new episodes on Netflix...new is kind of my jam. The most definitive word I could come up with for this piece of me is "neophiliac" although I don't think I'm quite as intense as the dictionary definition [that may just be denial].

My most regular experimental victim is my body, which pretty much runs on a weird rotation of whatever I feel like doing on any given day. You name it, I've done it. From South Beach to military crash diets, vegetarianism, lactose-free; weight-lifting, running, HIIT, Zumba, yoga--you get the point: all the things. I think I've settled on a few things that work for me but my diet is an incessant struggle. Pretty much I eat to keep myself awake and mobile. I thrive on coffee and snacks that serve to both keep me busy and give me surges of what might be energy (jury's still out on how real that is), and I don't think I can live like that much longer. 

Last week I noticed I'm often dehydrated so I decided to work on drinking a gallon of water a day. I'll be the first to admit that I have not managed to finish the entire gallon every day, but I have noticed a significant difference in the way I feel and look the mornings after I have reached my goal. I feel less bloated, less dry, and look less swollen, which doesn't sound like much but if you know me you know that mornings in my world are sucky and I have always struggled with feeling gross when I wake up which tends to set my day on a not-great path.

Now, a gallon of water is no simple feat for someone like me whose life blood consists primarily of espresso and although it's challenging, it's not quite enough to counterbalance my afternoon snack attacks or my evening Netflix-and-eat sugar crashes. So I'm trying another new thing starting Monday. It's called Thrive and to be honest, I have not done my research but it worked for my boss and I'm getting pretty sick of having 0 energy, so why not? If you're curious about it, you're more than welcome to look into it on your own: https://kristinmockler.le-vel.com/, but I will be documenting my thoughts on Thriving and sharing them on Thursday evening/Friday morning. Stay tuned for developments!