Sometimes when you're being a kinesthetic learner and, to the perception of the outside eye, not paying attention in class (Zooey Deschanel quotes on Pinterest do the trick), inspiration strikes. That's my current situation and in a few minutes my Econ professor will be less than pleased with the volume level of my typing, but it's fine. [sidebar: I really am not suffering, I know how to filter him]

For all I know, this post is redundant, but I couldn't tell you for sure because I've stopped doing that cute thing where I spend hours reading back through my own blog. Life is doing that equally cute thing where it allows me zero time for things like blogging and reading and especially blog-reading.
Moving on:

All too common the thought (especially in women) that we are "not enough" is a common denominator in every moment of day-to-day life,

I fail to take proper care of my body. I am an insufficient employee. I don't produce high enough grades. I am a failure as a mother, wife, girlfriend, sister, daughter.

and it is so easy to read a self-help book or an empowering article and tell ourselves that we are sufficient, put on our big kid pants, and face the day with a brave face and an overloaded mental back-burner. The number of times a week that I go through the motions of pulling it together is probably pretty high, but to most of us it is second-nature. It is a learned habit that no longer affects us regularly, only when life hits extra hard.
But now that I have learned how to handle feeling inadequate, a new weed has taken root and begun working its way through the cracks in my thought wall.
I am too much.
I spend too much time on my body. I work too much. I worry too much about my schoolwork. I am too outgoing. I am too emotional. I am too involved.
I am too much.
Now, to say that I know where this thought came from and I know how to tackle it would be lying to myself. I have absolutely no clue. One would think that in conquering my misconception of inadequacy, I should be able to find confidence and even joy in believing my own adequacy to conquer the terror that is daily life. Cruel trick of fate: contentment stopped by for a visit and then went off on vacation again and although my life is in a happy, positive place, I somehow am not properly geared for it. I have compassionate, invested friends, a caring family, and a happy, simple relationship, and somehow I am constantly terrified by the idea of my unbridled self tearing my own life apart. How does that even make sense...?
I am scared of my personality overwhelming my family, of my needs overwhelming my friends, of my emotions overwhelming my boyfriend, and leaving me in a place of loneliness with nowhere to invest the excess that is me as a human. The result is the locking up and concealing of that personal excess and leaving myself in the same place of loneliness that I'm trying to avoid. Trust me, my mind is a place that no one wants to inhabit or investigate right now. It is more often than not a pit of chaos where I tuck away all of my feelings and thoughts and needs so that outwardly I can keep it together-outwardly I can care for others and complete daily functions without affecting anyone else with my needs.
But what does it actually mean to be too much? Excess is defined as an amount of something that is more than necessary, or a lack of moderation. Excess often holds a negative connotation; it is an undesirable trait. We trim the excess fat off our meats, we remove excess words from our writing...excess is something we don't want, it is something we are not inclined toward or prepared for. But excess in and of itself is not a bad thing-excess can be channeled and utilized.
Excess passion can be distributed into action, excess emotion can be translated into compassion, excess involvement can warrant productivity. Because life was meant not only to be lived, but experienced. There is the opportunity to witness beauty in every breath, and a little excess capacity to be affected by life's little moments may be just what some of us need.

"Don't let someone steal your tenderness. Don't allow the coldness and fear of others to tarnish your perfectly vulnerable beating heart. Nothing is more powerful than allowing yourself to be affected by things...feel it all-look around you. All of this is for you. Take it and have gratitude. Give it and feel love."