Learning the Hard Way

So ya know how in my last post, I mentioned how hasty decisions lead to unhappiness? Well it turns out that they lead to a whole lot more. Don't get me wrong, spontaneity is a great thing--in moderation.
We all know that when we make mistakes, we have to deal with the consequences. That truth becomes so much more real when your hasty, stupid decisions land your body in the hospital and your name in the mouth of everyone associated with your school. Yep, that was me. I'm not going into detail but just know that if you're told not to do something not only by the law, but also by your authority figures, it's probably best to listen.
Anyway, this week is probably going to end up being the week from hell for me. But it's really taught me a lot so far. I've cried more in the past two days than I have probably in the past year. That's sayin' something. I hardly ever cry in front of other people; not because I'm afraid to, but because showing emotion isn't my strong point. As I'm sure I've mentioned before, I've turned myself into a brick wall for not only myself but those around me. Crying makes me feel weak and that's just not the way I want other people to see me, especially since I try to be a support system and a fortress for the people I love. However, after what I put myself through this weekend, I'm starting to realize that weakness isn't a bad thing. No one wants to seem weak, but there is a fine line between weakness and meekness and I think a lot of people confuse the two, one of those people being myself. I can be meek and still be strong. I can humble myself to handle my consequences the way I need to as opposed to hardening myself and being a bitch about it. And I found that once I started being honest with myself and those around me, I'm a lot less scared to face the consequences of my actions. I found that I have way more support than I expected, and I found that being able to step back and recognize the fact that I messed up is pretty refreshing after a lifetime of being angry whenever I was faced with a problem. Moral of this completely pieced together sort-of-story: it's possible to be strong without having to constantly be a hard ass. There is a time and place for that, but that does not include directly after you almost jeopardize your own life while simultaneously breaking the law. And now that life has bitch-slapped me across the face, I'm ready to face the week from hell because in the long run it's a learning experience that's only going to put me closer to where I need to be.

"...so when life gets tough, and it's hard to be strong, I'll never forget: Heaven is where I belong."

The Truth about Life

Surprise, surprise, I haven’t blogged in a while. But I’ve been doing some writing when I get deep in thought and I came up with something I thought was worth sharing and would serve as my re-introduction to the blogging world.

Just to catch you up on my life, I’m now a full-time freshman business major, vocal performance minor, student-athlete, friend, daughter, and sister. No surprise there, I’m overloading my plate. Again.

Anyways, life’s always been a struggle for me. Obviously, considering I’m still young and everything’s gonna be complicated. But I finally figured myself out halfway through my senior year, cleaned out my life, and started to live the way I needed to live: for me. I figured out who I was, who I am, and who I want to be. No longer a people-pleaser, I began to turn away from everyone and everything that held me back, and entering my first year of college, I planned to keep it that way. You see, I’ve always known that I was not meant to live for other people; but I never knew what that looked like. So here I am, reliving my last few months of high school which I spent holding on to every last ounce of willpower I had to keep myself from shutting down and giving up.

You see, I've learned that hasty decisions tend to lead to unhappiness. That’s how I ended up back on this roller coaster. I've also learned that there’s a difference between loving Jesus and pushing Jesus. I love Jesus, but I’m not going to push him on anyone. I believe that He has a plan for my life and that with every breath I’m living out another piece of that plan. But sharing my story isn’t my way of telling you how God works in my life. That story will tell itself. This story is one of how a shattered but strong human being gets through the day-to-day. It’s one to remind you that we have the power to fix our trouble and put the pieces together. I strongly believe that we never stop growing. Just when we think that everything is falling into place, the hammer’s going to come down again; we just have to be ready to put our big kid pants on and pull out the Gorilla Glue. So here I am, tough-as-nails, but fragile as the wing of a butterfly; an  emotionally rational college freshman, allowing you a direct access pass to the sloppy, beautiful disaster I like to call my life.