As I sit here in my little housewife apron waiting for the clock to hit 5:15, I am reminded of how blessed I am to have a mother who has dedicated so much of her time over the past 19 years to preparing me for adulthood and all that comes with it. After two hours of pre-cooking preparation, I can't help but dream about how Mothers' Days will be when I have a husband and children and pets and a home (and obviously a kitchen that I won't be using on that day) of my own. But more than that, I think of the other 364 days of the year that I spend in between jobs or in my bed or on the couch or out with friends and how blessed I am to have a mother who takes the time to fulfill unnoticed the role that I'm playing today while her family proceeds with their own lives and interests.
But even more than that, I'm reminded of how blessed I am to be able to celebrate two mothers on a day such as this. For those who don't know (and haven't figured it out through photos), I was adopted at birth and have yet to meet my birth-mother. However, I established contact with her this year and this is therefore the first Mothers' Day on which I've been able to reach out to her and wish her a Happy Mothers' Day. It's an indescribable feeling to know the unconditional love of two mothers. One that no one could fathom until they've felt it.
I've always had a hole in my heart that I plugged and denied having up until recently when I realized how badly I desired a relationship with the woman who conceived me and brought me into the world and whose blood courses through my veins. Her desire to know me as a person, inside and out, is incomprehensible to me. I've always had an underplayed fear of disappointing my parents, but with my birth-mother that becomes less and less of a concern with every conversation. Her love for me is unconditional and that's something that I personally have always been too blind to understand. I've never allowed myself to see the true depth of a mother's love--a love without rules, without expectations, and without borders. My birth-mother opened my eyes to the beauty of a mother's sacrificial love. I cannot speak from experience, but I imagine that relinquishing one's beloved child to another set of parents is one of the hardest things a person can do. But she did it. And while I'm sure her choice caused her a lot of suffering, her pain subconsciously gave me the best life: a life that led me to become the person I am today.
My [adoptive]mom and I have always had problems, and while we get along much better now, Mothers' Day was always a hard one to celebrate from the heart. But now that we are both adults and have a mutual respect for each other, I am able to see her more clearly as a person rather than the dictator that I viewed her as when I was a child. She has suffered long and hard to raise her children (especially me) and she teaches me daily what it means to be a strong woman of faith and integrity. It took me as long as 19 years to realize just how thankless her job as my mother is, but thanks to my birth-mother I have been able to put aside my tainted view of my mom and to see just how difficult her role as my mom has been. While it is one difficult thing to give up ones child, it must be another thing entirely to give up ones self to raise the child of another set of parents as her own. My birth-mother made an incredible sacrifice, but it allowed my mom to sacrifice herself to the task of raising a child who had no genetic connection to herself. A child whose genes even at times clashed with her own and caused her an incredible amount of strife. Sacrificial love has no better image than that of either of my mothers and I couldn't have asked to be adopted by a better friend or mother.
See, I think we're all guilty of misinterpreting the true meaning of Mothers' Day. We think it's a day for us to spoil our mothers to show our love for them. But I think it's more than that. This Mothers' Day I feel more loved than loving. I think that's what Mothers' Day is all about. Not returning the love that mothers show us daily, but giving them a day off in order to in turn show us how much they do for us and to honor them for their ceaseless displays of sacrificial love.
PS: I know I mentioned spending a lot of time in the kitchen and yes, that does mean that a bunch of recipes will be headed this way soon.
But even more than that, I'm reminded of how blessed I am to be able to celebrate two mothers on a day such as this. For those who don't know (and haven't figured it out through photos), I was adopted at birth and have yet to meet my birth-mother. However, I established contact with her this year and this is therefore the first Mothers' Day on which I've been able to reach out to her and wish her a Happy Mothers' Day. It's an indescribable feeling to know the unconditional love of two mothers. One that no one could fathom until they've felt it.
I've always had a hole in my heart that I plugged and denied having up until recently when I realized how badly I desired a relationship with the woman who conceived me and brought me into the world and whose blood courses through my veins. Her desire to know me as a person, inside and out, is incomprehensible to me. I've always had an underplayed fear of disappointing my parents, but with my birth-mother that becomes less and less of a concern with every conversation. Her love for me is unconditional and that's something that I personally have always been too blind to understand. I've never allowed myself to see the true depth of a mother's love--a love without rules, without expectations, and without borders. My birth-mother opened my eyes to the beauty of a mother's sacrificial love. I cannot speak from experience, but I imagine that relinquishing one's beloved child to another set of parents is one of the hardest things a person can do. But she did it. And while I'm sure her choice caused her a lot of suffering, her pain subconsciously gave me the best life: a life that led me to become the person I am today.PS: I know I mentioned spending a lot of time in the kitchen and yes, that does mean that a bunch of recipes will be headed this way soon.
