My Awkward Stage.

It's no secret that I'm a very independent and spontaneous spirit. Everyone who knows me knows that full well.

But there's also a tiny little piece of me that's still a people-pleaser, and I don't think that will ever change.

This is all just hitting me now--I really couldn't care any less about how my friends and others around me perceive me. It's my life, not theirs. 

Some little spark in me, however, is always alive that wants to please my parents. We may not get along, and I'm usually not very partial to them for that reason. In the long run, though, I'm still their kid, and I still want them to be proud of me. And they're my parents--they raised me--so it's not like my relationship with them could ever become irrelevant like a friendship potentially could. I think that's the only thing that keeps me caring. Some resolution has to be reached; no matter how many days, months, or years it takes, it's inevitable.

After my incident in October, I felt like the ultimate failure. I felt like they would never approve of me again and I was from then on responsible for piecing myself together and making something of myself again. Which I did. I became a better person, and I started living life spontaneously, but avoiding doing anything sinful or wrong. So here I sit with my pierced navel and tattooed ankle, preparing to make an independent trip to Georgia in a few days and anticipating my two summer jobs, wondering why the hell my parents can't just like me. And it breaks my heart because I refuse to change myself for anyone...that includes my family. At the same time, I want them to be happy to have me as their daughter, "good girl with bad habits" reputation, piercings, ink, and all. Roadblock.

I know they love me. And maybe I'm just blind, because I know they're "doing their rotten best" (as my mother would say), I just don't think our personalities are compatible; my brain just can't handle being someone's child and an adult at the same time.

"At least 2 dead, 105 injured as two bombs hit Boston Marathon finish line" --National Post

Today's events (which are still unfolding) at the Boston Marathon were devastating, and my heart breaks for everyone affected by them in any way. But I just have to take a moment to spout my thoughts on reactions that I've seen and heard regarding the tragedy's "behind-the-scenes".

Just hours after the bombings and already I was seeing rants on social media about how the government did this to us, how our own nation is out to get us, and how we can't believe what the media tells us about the events. True, the media is able to filter what we know and what we don't, but that doesn't change the fact that these two bombs ended the lives of two innocents and damaged over a hundred others, one of the deceased being an eight-year old boy. So in light of all that, I just wonder: when did it become anyone's job to hyper-analyze the situation and theorize about it?

The fact of the matter is that today's events were rooted in someone's evil intent. Whether or not I ever know who that someone is, and whether or not they are ever brought to justice, I do know that people of all ages and all walks of life have been devastated by that someone's actions. Do I agree that whoever did this is a coward? Absolutely. Do I agree that the government has not always been honest with us? Of course. Do I believe that evil people ought to be found out and punished? With all my heart.

But does that mean that I have a right to sit at this computer and spew conspiracy theoretic word vomit while multitudes of people mourn the day's events and the lives damaged by them? Not a chance.

The same things happened with 9/11, the Sandy Hook shooting, and almost all national emergencies. But just think about it: while hundreds and thousands of people are out there taking action and proactively responding to repair the damage done, what gives us the right to do anything other than respond to this wake-up call in the best way possible for each individual?

I believe that evil exists in our world, but I refuse to believe that anyone is evil enough to stage the kind of evil involved in these incidents.

In the long run, God is in control. Regardless of who committed these crimes, they have no power compared to that of our Creator. He's the one we need, and the one whom we should be trying to hear from and channel as we respond to this catastrophe. Believe it or not, people are inherently good. We're created in God's image. Goodness is in us, it's just suppressed in certain cases. But look at the ones already making an impact just moments after the blasts--not all hope is lost, people.